1 We're all looking for a woman who can sit in a mini-skirt and talk
2 philosophy, executing both with confidence and style.
4 Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
7 The difference between art and science is that science is what we
8 understand well enough to explain to a computer. Art is everything else.
9 -- Donald Knuth, "Discover"
11 That wouldn't be good enough.
12 -- Larry Wall in <199710131621.JAA14907@wall.org>
14 Q: How can I choose what groups to post in? ...
15 Q: How about an example?
17 A: Ok. Let's say you want to report that Gretzky has been traded from the
18 Oilers to the Kings. Now right away you might think rec.sport.hockey
19 would be enough. WRONG. Many more people might be interested. This is a
20 big trade! Since it's a NEWS article, it belongs in the news.* hierarchy
21 as well. If you are a news admin, or there is one on your machine, try
22 news.admin. If not, use news.misc.
24 The Oilers are probably interested in geology, so try sci.physics. He is
25 a big star, so post to sci.astro, and sci.space because they are also
26 interested in stars. Next, his name is Polish sounding. So post to
27 soc.culture.polish. But that group doesn't exist, so cross-post to
28 news.groups suggesting it should be created. With this many groups of
29 interest, your article will be quite bizarre, so post to talk.bizarre as
30 well. (And post to comp.std.mumps, since they hardly get any articles
31 there, and a "comp" group will propagate your article further.)
33 You may also find it is more fun to post the article once in each group.
34 If you list all the newsgroups in the same article, some newsreaders will
35 only show the the article to the reader once! Don't tolerate this.
36 -- Brad Templeton, _Emily Postnews Answers Your Questions on Netiquette_
38 You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
40 Desist from enumerating your fowl prior to their emergence from the shell.
42 And I suppose the little things are harder to get used to than the big
43 ones. The big ones you get used to, you make up your mind to them. The
44 little things come along unexpectedly, when you aren't thinking about
45 them, aren't braced against them.
46 -- Marion Zimmer Bradley, "The Forbidden Tower"
48 My computer can beat up your computer.
51 There is a certain frame of mind to which a cemetery is, if not an antidote,
52 at least an alleviation. If you are in a fit of the blues, go nowhere else.
53 -- Robert Louis Stevenson: Immortelles
56 (1) Everything depends.
57 (2) Nothing is always.
58 (3) Everything is sometimes.
61 A bagpiper with a beeper.
64 Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
65 A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
67 "Don't drop acid, take it pass-fail!"
68 -- Bryan Michael Wendt
72 Those who wish to change the world
73 According with their desire
75 The world is shaped by the Way;
76 It cannot be shaped by the self.
77 Trying to change it, you damage it;
78 Trying to possess it, you lose it.
79 So some will lead, while others follow.
80 Some will be warm, others cold
81 Some will be strong, others weak.
82 Some will get where they are going
83 While others fall by the side of the road.
84 So the sage will be neither extravagant nor violent.
85 -- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching"
87 You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
89 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
91 Art is the tree of life. Science is the tree of death.
94 Leaving one job to take another that pays less but places one
95 back on the learning curve.
96 -- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
99 Asked how she felt being the first woman to make a major-league team, she
100 said, "Like a pig in mud," or words to that effect, and then turned and
101 released a squirt of tobacco juice from the wad of rum soaked plug in her
102 right cheek. She chewed a rare brand of plug called Stuff It, which she
103 learned to chew when she was playing Nicaraguan summer ball. She told the
104 writers, "They were so mean to me down there you couldn't write it in your
105 newspaper. I took a gun everywhere I went, even to bed. *Especially* to
106 bed. Guys were after me like you can't believe. That's when I started
107 chewing tobacco -- because no matter how bad anybody treats you, it's not
108 as bad as this. This is the worst chew in the world. After this,
109 everything else is peaches and cream." The writers elected Gentleman Jim,
110 the Sparrow's P.R. guy, to bite off a chunk and tell them how it tasted,
111 and as he sat and chewed it tears ran down his old sunburnt cheeks and he
112 couldn't talk for a while. Then he whispered, "You've been chewing this for
113 two years? God, I had no idea it was so hard to be a woman."
116 Real Users are afraid they'll break the machine -- but they're never
117 afraid to break your face.
119 There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
121 We're happy little Vegemites,
122 As bright as bright can be.
123 We all all enjoy our Vegemite
124 For breakfast, lunch and tea.
126 The programmers of old were mysterious and profound. We cannot fathom
127 their thoughts, so all we do is describe their appearance.
128 Aware, like a fox crossing the water. Alert, like a general on the
129 battlefield. Kind, like a hostess greeting her guests. Simple, like uncarved
130 blocks of wood. Opaque, like black pools in darkened caves.
131 Who can tell the secrets of their hearts and minds?
132 The answer exists only in the Tao.
133 -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
135 She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way a midget is
137 -- Clive James, on Marilyn Monroe
139 Penalty for private use.
141 <Mercury> emacs sucks, literally, not a insult, just a comment that its
142 large enough to have a noticeable gravitational pull...
144 Excitement and danger await your induction to tracer duty! As a tracer,
145 you must rid the computer networks of slimy, criminal data thieves.
146 They are tricky and the action gets tough, so watch out! Utilizing all
147 your skills, you'll either get your man or you'll get burned!
148 -- advertising for the computer game "Tracers"
151 Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water. The other
152 third is covered with auditors from headquarters.
154 The more time you spend talking about what you have been doing, the
155 less time you have to spend doing what you have been talking about.
156 Eventually, you spend more and more time talking about less and less
157 until finally you spend all your time talking about nothing.
159 Regulations grow at the same rate as weeds.
161 The average regulation has a life span one-fifth as long as a
162 chimpanzee's and one-tenth as long as a human's -- but four times
163 as long as the official's who created it.
165 By the time of the United States Tricentennial, there will be more
166 government workers than there are workers.
168 People working in the private sector should try to save money.
169 There remains the possibility that it may someday be valuable again.
172 A soft drink turneth away company.
174 Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were
175 forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
176 -- W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"
180 -- THE ELEVATORS WILL BE OUT OF ORDER TODAY --
182 (The nearest working elevator is in the building across the street.)
184 Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
186 Of all men's miseries, the bitterest is this:
187 to know so much and have control over nothing.
190 A mother mouse was taking her large brood for a stroll across the kitchen
191 floor one day when the local cat, by a feat of stealth unusual even for
192 its species, managed to trap them in a corner. The children cowered,
193 terrified by this fearsome beast, plaintively crying, "Help, Mother!
194 Save us! Save us! We're scared, Mother!"
195 Mother Mouse, with the hopeless valor of a parent protecting its
196 children, turned with her teeth bared to the cat, towering huge above them,
197 and suddenly began to bark in a fashion that would have done any Doberman
198 proud. The startled cat fled in fear for its life.
199 As her grateful offspring flocked around her shouting "Oh, Mother,
200 you saved us!" and "Yay! You scared the cat away!" she turned to them
201 purposefully and declared, "You see how useful it is to know a second
204 There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
208 One would like to stroke and caress human beings, but one dares not do so,
210 -- Vladimir Il'ich Lenin
212 "For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of
213 a thousand years ago. Why not, then, the last step of doing away with
214 computers altogether?"
217 Linux - Where do you want to fly today?
221 "It seems to me that your antenna doesn't bring in too many
224 We are Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. You will be approximated.
225 -- seen in someone's .signature
227 Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube: Black.
229 Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the cube, and each of
230 side of the cube will now be the original color of the plastic underneath
231 -- black. According to the instructions, this means the puzzle is solved.
234 Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
237 The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant;
238 the population is growing.
241 Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith.
242 -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
244 Love cannot be much younger than the lust for murder.
247 Did you know that the voice tapes easily identify the Russian pilot
248 that shot down the Korean jet? At one point he definitely states:
250 "Natasha! First we shoot jet, then we go after moose and squirrel."
254 The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
256 If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old houseboy ...
258 Horner's Five Thumb Postulate:
259 Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
261 We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable
262 things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend
263 and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.
266 In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
268 I'm often asked the question, "Do you think there is extraterrestrial intelli-
269 gence?" I give the standard arguments -- there are a lot of places out there,
270 and use the word *billions*, and so on. And then I say it would be astonishing
271 to me if there weren't extraterrestrial intelligence, but of course there is as
272 yet no compelling evidence for it. And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you
273 really think?" I say, "I just told you what I really think." "Yeah, but
274 what's your gut feeling?" But I try not to think with my gut. Really, it's
275 okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in.
276 -- Carl Sagan, The Burden Of Skepticism, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12, Fall 87
278 You can't have everything... where would you put it?
281 The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
284 People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
286 I realize that command does have its fascination, even under
287 circumstances such as these, but I neither enjoy the idea of command
288 nor am I frightened of it. It simply exists, and I will do whatever
289 logically needs to be done.
290 -- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2812.7
292 Suffocating together ... would create heroic camaraderie.
293 -- Khan Noonian Singh, "Space Seed", stardate 3142.8
295 There is more to life than increasing its speed.
298 Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
300 Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think
301 that's how dogs spend their lives.
304 Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good,
305 you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
308 Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would.
309 The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much.